Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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