In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
