words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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