Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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