I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
