She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize