I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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