i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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