Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
