I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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