I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
