Screwed.edu
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
