can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
