you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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