Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
