I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He has the fingertips of a God
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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