i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
