so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
