Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
