Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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