I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
