Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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