11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
