It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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