Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
