I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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