Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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