Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
