K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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