I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
