I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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