i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
