She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
