if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
