Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize