We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
God I need to hump something, right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
