I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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