it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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