So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
