Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
