Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
