Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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