Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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