he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
