My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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