I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
