And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
