I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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