Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
