I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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