Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
