I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't deserve a penis
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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