So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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