i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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