he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
