WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize