I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
