I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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