4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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