TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
