She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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