I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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