nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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