I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize