I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You may now shotgun with the bride
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
