I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
