one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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