I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
