Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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