why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
