my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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