if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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