Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
