I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
