does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize