I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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