I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So apparently I’m into choking now
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