Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
