my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
