His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
