i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize