I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
