im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
