I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MIDGETS
????
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize