Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
