I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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