i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
