Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize