I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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