when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize