matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
