Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize