YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
