you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
