and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
