if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
