lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
