yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
