WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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