im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
